no zero velocity, no turning back

i hate my ankles! ><

but i am the one that made you all overwork! it's been 6 days already omgg.

i can really be crowned the lame queen alr D:

anyway apologies to friends in advance! i think i am going back to that mood again! even though i wont spend much time on it coz there's not much time!

don't worry don't worry ok!

LOVE YOU ALL :D <3!

i think i will tell ___ what happened tonight but explaining after it ends! i feel very sorry to trouble ___&___ again! i think they are overloaded and will be worried about me ><

and i've decided to ask SH the question that i've always wanted to ask since last april! D:

wish me luck and i hope SH will tell me truthfully what SH knows! at least it will give me motivation to hang on to it! i am not really sure about the part of talking about ______ though! :/ i think it's my fault to compare in the first place >< maybe ___ is learning!

ohh and this is a REMINDER to my self to ask that person and talk to that person when the time comes!

ok i am sorry i shouldnt be blogging about this again :/

but i wish i can be more hard-hearted D: ><

forgot to add in front!

i've NEVER EVER done anything for the sake of being a ____!

i've ONLY done things because they are close to my heart and i strongly feel that something should be done!

so don't ever TRY to insult me saying that i am ____

because that will be an insult not only to my character but my SOUL

you can even call me a b___ or a____ swear word but cant call me the above mentioned! (though i think these two nouns are actually quite important in some way to the society.)

realization number three!

quite random! just thought of it just now. :P i can now cry for things that i used to cry more easily. love or other bad stuff like.

ugliness of human beings.

i wish i was a saint.

and i wish everyone else is too.

(but if everyone is how does the word "saint" be applicable and valid? shrugs just another funny thing about language but i guess it can't be helped because all languages are invented by humans? D:)

but nobody is perfect!

and i wish i know nobody! (erm not in the emo and i-hate-the-world-the-world-hates-me tone alright! i love my loved ones! (: )

after fighting so long i still haven't won :/

can't believe this battle against myself will be so tough!

anyway another my analysis is that i am tired

and it's all my fault.

it proved alot of things to me and made me learn many harsh lessons just now.

i hope i will be better at it!

please please just loosen it about and it will be gone soon!

(but perhaps it will take me years)

fed up seriously! should have listened to a___ and i wouldn't have done that! ><

looks like being outdated isn't really a bad thing sometimes!

but i think the end result will be the same even if i didn't do it i think!

anyway after much analysis and realized my resistence/disgust towards that L_______ word (not love! thanks!) has increased or rather deteriorated by a tremendous amount.

well i think it's meant to be!

due to the fact that i know it so well but yet don't understand it!

btw the previous time i was here was 8 Aug and i am finally back! but it's about the same things that i blogged last year omgg i should really do the post that i owe to myself and jacky! i'm really sorry dear blog! i've let down your name though it's given by me ):

ok random thoughts coming soon

crying

because of council please.

thank you very much.

yesterday was a bad bad day. an ironic one too.

waterfeste in school vs. water disaster in taiwan. i should not be feeling glad that i am here ><

but it's a blessing that they are all alright (:

i swear i am exploding soon and will totally lose all these memories so i need to remind myself!

CCAL CAMP

HOLIDAYS IN GENERAL+ LOTS OF THOUGHTS

GREEN MILE/RE-LIVE

TV PROGRAMMES

OTHER RANDOM THOUGHTS perhaps CTs

k that should be about it (:

grr i realized i didnt finish typing about week 10 :/

anww after the 2 random but impt things that i did on fri i just crashed when i reached home and DIDNT SEND UK LIT TRIP PPL OFF >< anw they're back alr yay! :D hahaa dongdongchiayingjing,rachel g, KEVY&LENA (grrr this is the 3rd bday tt i cant wish u kevyna pangg? in fact NO ONE celebrated w you last yr coz you were likee at home mugging? D:), tze ern, sambor, rita, zhixin(?) and other friends who were at lit trip i hope you've enjoyed yourself and TAKE CARE and REST WELL ya! (:

cant rmb wad i did on sat&sun! probably spent time thinking about what i was think for the past few weeks/months and packing for CCAL camp!

WILL TALKK ABT CCAL CAMP SOOON SOON SOON!

attempted to turn on mugging mode but very very unproductive so slacked for abt 4/5days more yucks D: i now declare that I AM SUPER LOUSY AT MATH though i knew it long time ago ever since sec 3 :/ k will start on BIO first coz i am utterly scared to face mental blocks if i do math and physics (which will seriously make me dieee :/)

anw vivian said canoeing women's open was fine! (: JIAYOU to canoeing friends xinerquek, yenyenyang,gerii, vivian, chee, gab, GV and whoever i know for trainings and seasonn! :D

and to ODAC ppl nette, racheeel, siyun, joo, margaret, yvonne, xintian the thinkerr (: and bin(?) and other friends BON VOYAGE and hope you will enjoy your cool cool expeditionn XD

is supposed to be a super duber fun and exciting one but it turned out to be the opposite :/ ALL BECAUSE OF MY FLU/HEADACHEE ):

TUE

woke up with a super bad headache and running nose again from the previous night :/ but it was a good day coz it's 20TH MAY when the new president MA took overr (:

felt rly bad not taking PE though i dont like touch rug. :/ practically spent my whole day zombieeing around with stupid running nose and headache. expected to be sick long time ago since i'd had migraines for many days BUT IT CAME AT THE WRONG TIME ): smsed Ms U regarding may not be able to go class camp ):

WED

felt worse and spent abt half an hour to decide if i will be able to do GP CT :/ really couldnt take the headache/runningnose/sorethroat and smsed/called to inform MsU/the sch >< went back to sleep and went to see the doctor which i seriously hate to coz i hate medicine (but i may want to take medicine in the future so ironic! D:) and i swear it was the WORST i've taken coz ALL of them cause drowsiness and i spent my whole day sleeping or in a semi  conscious state without knowing what's going on >< and the best thing is i only have 1 day's MC to be excused from sch and 6 days from PE so i cant go class camp but need to drag myself to school the next dayy :/

THU

was feeling bettter amazingly must be the whole day of sleep :D decided to stick with the class for rope course till the time for match support! (: was acting as a photographerr and it made me happy coz i havent been taking good photos ever since last year and i didnt join back photog :/ but after tt i seriously couldnt resist the temptation of the rope course and borrowed track pants from yile to climb :P it was FUN though tiring and i climbed with cheryl (: but my headache came againn after the climb and maybe it's coz of the sun ><

had lunch with the class and went for bball match support! XD this is probably the ONLY good thing from missing class camp coz i can go for match support (: though ppl scolded me/said i was crazy to go match support when i was sick but wadeverrr supporting my bball friends are more impt (: (esp. yen (:D), joe, nata, olly, claire) was holding on to yen's jersey number (had been looking for it since arrival at the sports hall and finally found it with latha (:) and all the bballers were AMAZING (: you are forever our champions! <3

ogayyr and realized tt match supports DOES kill ppl esp. someone who's sick and i could hardly talk/walk so didnt go for the hockey match with the rest of the 28ths (luckily i informed cherylteo) and waited to talk to/hug bballers. stayed with yen for a while before going home. 

FRI

probably the worse day everr for the week. coz i realized GP CT retest wont be counted ): had to time myself and do it in the library. and almost lost my wallet and found out that all my money got stolen during break and sighh totally felt sad and got reminded of my stolen wallet the previous time esp. there was a letter from yen inside it. during paper 2 i totally felt weak and tt's when i realized tt my skin was still weird after so many days D: couldnt understand/ do bio tutorial and did badly for photosynthesis quiz also coz of headache again :/ did 2 random but impt things before going home.

i wish i am numb and i wish i am not numb! ><

smth's seriously wrong with me esp. physically! D:

my nerves arent working well i think :/

lots of updates and clearing of thoughts. shall do it tmrw since today will be another council day.